Why is it that I'm so ok with this but at the same time I'm so distraught. I'm so stuck on what we were, and what we could have been. If only you had been honest with me and open and had a real discussion with me. Not talking for 6 months sounds like torture. You're my bestfriend. People can tell me to move on, and people can tell me to live but in the end I'm nothing. I'm empty and I HATE admitting that. I believed everything you said. How you'd support me through thick and thin. It's mind numbing. I want to be numb. I pretend I'm ok and I say I'm ok but hell I'm not okay. I'm so disappointed that I made so many active changes in mentality and life yet you are fixated on the crazy unyielding HS girl you fell in love with. I'm settling down. I know what I want in life. I want to be an amazing doctor, and I want to live in KS, with my 2 puppies and my three beautiful children and you...I want to make an effort to get to know your family again. Second chances are often the best because you have your past experiences to build on. I of course will respect the decision to not speak till summer, but I know it'll kill me. Time heals everything is a true statement but I'm pretty sure I want to spend the rest of my life with you so I am going to work everyday to become the girl you want to spend the rest of YOUR life with. I was once that girl, and I can be that girl again. Only a couple months ago you were declaring your love for me. Sure it has faded with time but once a flame goes out there are always embers, and if you poke and prod at them just right you can reignite the flame. Perhaps this space is good. It'll give me time to become the best version of myself that I can be. I need to continue to lose weight and not lose sight of that, I need to kill my MCAT, I need to straighten up my teeth, and I need to get my grades at tip top shape. I need to slowly figure out summer plans and most of all I need a major attitude change. Yes I've made big strides in all those in the past couple months so hey keep going right? If it's meant to be it's meant to be and if it's not well Mr.right is out there. I know he seems perfect but at the same time there were so many things you hated about him. This is all true. Take a step back and take the next 6 months to really become the best version of yourself. I know it's gonna be challenging and you're going to want to cry sometimes but in the end if you stay true to yourself and your dreams I really believe things will work out. I'm so sick of feeling like crap and I'm so annoyed that you feel joy and happiness being apart from me. We are perfect. I hope I can prove that to you one day. I'm pathetic....yup so pathetic. I've made it 3 months, what's another 6 right?